Creative Writing and Satire Skill Sharpening - author d

Got jokes? Maybe a video of Darwin Award candidates? Put 'em here. This is the place for all those funny films, silly stories and twisted tales that give you a grin. (*** disclaimer: Darwinism is not endorsed and, while laughable, should be debunked - see Creation v Evolution below)
PokerBass
Acolyte
Posts: 437

Creative Writing and Satire Skill Sharpening - author d

Post#1 » Sat Mar 24, 2007 7:03 pm

Disclaimer to my upcoming disclaimer. This is merely an exercise in creative writing and satire. No references written in this particular thread of the Poker Face fourm boards should be construed as referring to, being caused by, or having any bearing on any individuals, groups, governments, deities, or anything or anyone that exists, existed, may come into existence or has an effect or is affected by any other form of existence even in the antithetical sense unless verified by myself and myself only. Requests for verification must be submitted in written form after documenting 3 external sources and showing why those sources would bring the submitter of verification to require verification submittance.

..... and if you liked, were bothered by, or don't know why on earth you just read the aforementioned diatribe, then you will mostly likely or most likely not read the following:



POKER FACE DRUMMER DISCLAIMER

Any and all persons or those considered otherwise, including those we love, have loved, or will show love after a lengthy healing process, who wish to be recognized as a drummer, percussionist or potential target of verbal abuse from and for Poker Face, are hereby restricted to "apprentice band member" or possibly lower status and shall remain on a 2 year probationary period followed by 2 additional years of ethical review by "full members" before being accepted as initiates of the "inner circle." Leaving a show or rehearsal before being dismissed, missing a performance in which more than 2 hours prior telephone notification is given, arriving less than at least 12 full hours early for rehearsal or refusing to answer a single telephone call (***note - answering machines and voice mail systems are not acceptable forms for answering calls from "full members" - even in the case of said call being inaccurately determined as, or otherwise unrepresentative of, originating from a "full member" by caller ID devices, wives, children, neighbors, state officials, or pets - unless prior written consent is given in 3 languages and issued by at least 3/5 of the 3 member "inner circle." Slight consideration will be taken for not answering calls that are made to telephone numbers other than your own unless that information was provided as legitimate contact by anyone, regardless of consciousness, reliability, intelligence or consideration of malicious intent on the part of the supplier or receiver.) will automatically result in nullification of time served and a default to restart the full 2 year probationary period and 2 year ethical review. Terms and conditions are subject to change without notice and certainly not to alter in your favor!!!!

Basically, if a drum machine could twirl a stick, looked good in denim, and was powered by a proven method of uninterruptable perpetual motion, this Disclaimer would not be necessary. Until that time, this will be implemented and should be considered the law of the land.

hangman
Acolyte
Posts: 1087

Post#2 » Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:20 pm

Damn, did Howie fuck up again? Seriously Dennis, you're a sick fucker. Funny but sick. There is no cure. Why would one want to? I shouldn't have read that stoned, but that's how I was when I got here.






p.s. I'm glad you're on our side.

PokerBass
Acolyte
Posts: 437

thus the inclusion of the disclaimer of the Disclaimer.

Post#3 » Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:20 am

hangman, I pride myself on my sick-fuck-ocity. If you knew my family, my comments would seem quite average. Not that my family is average. We all know that we're laden with a smidgen of demented fervor.

As far as this being directed at any one person in particular, the answer is an emphatic "NO" with a few "!!!" for emphasis. If you look back, you'll understand the reason for the introductory "disclaimer" before the topical "Disclaimer."

In other words, the party of the 1st part is the whole of the 2nd part while the party of the 2nd part is of no party specific.

or

All musicians tend to be whack jobs. This was just a poke at what seems to be some common traits.

Guest

Post#4 » Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:57 pm

Suuuuure! I Bet. I'm also aflicted with sick-fuck-ocity, but I don't attack friends or co-workers. And besides, parts is parts.

hangman
Acolyte
Posts: 1087

Post#5 » Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:04 am

I told you, ...I ain't no guest. Why did this machine unhook me?


Suuuuure! I Bet. I'm also aflicted with sick-fuck-ocity, but I don't attack friends or co-workers. And besides, parts is parts.






Well, it said Funny Forum, and I'm funny as hell about now.

hangman
Acolyte
Posts: 1087

Post#6 » Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:08 am

Oh fuck, what am I still doing here. Never mind.

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